Abandoned Emotions
by vkdemon
Summary: Derek's guilt catches up with him. Warning: Character Death, Heavy Angst


**Title:** Abandoned Emotions  
**Author:** vkdemon  
**Pairing(s):** Sterek  
**Rating:** NC-17  
**Word Count:** ~1200  
**Warnings:** Character Death, Heavy Angst  
**Spoilers:** Season 2 Finale  
**Summary:** Derek's guilt catches up with him.

Stiles. The name repeats into the empty air of the abandoned buss. Derek always ended up in abandoned things, trains, buses, hones, office buildings... all the forgotten lonely places became his home. His pack ended up in those places too, sleeping near but never touching, following him but never knowing. He cringed against the beauty of Erica and Boyd curled around each other, so in love. He cringed at Isaac's curled form, his back pressed to Jackson's shoulder as both boys drew comfort.

Derek's face turned again to the window, the only thing keeping the rain that had fallen in waves onto his pack as they scrambled for shelter. He could hear the hunters in the distance, holding themselves at the ready, seeking their pack out even in the storm. Again Stiles name flew from his lips. It was a curse, a prayer, a wish. It was all of his hope and fear. Stiles was searching for him.

He could see colors in the distorted distance. He watched for the red flashes, for the lights of cars and the knowledge that very soon he would meet Stiles again. He would listen for the talking to fill his air and once more overpower his senses. He moved, careful to keep his steps light. No need to disturb the pack with his madness. He stepped out into the night when a voice from above called to him.

"He's not the same." It was Danny's voice.

The Hawaiian's eyes flashed yellow under the falling rain that soaked his thin white undershirt. Danny had come to his pack not long after Jackson, another for him to fail at protecting.

"I know." Derek looked up to where Danny sat on top of the car."I need to you take care of them for a little."

"Going to find him?" Danny didn't need to ask the other truth.

He just nodded and jumped down. He looked into the bus, checking all of the pack was asleep before moving to Derek. The claws dug into Derek's arm as red bled from Derek's eyes and skin and onto Danny's fingers. His eyes flashed red. "Go find him." Danny the alpha walked into the bus with his pack.

Derek knew it wouldn't take long. The scent of adderall, curly fries and mate would never stop calling to him. Derek found it laced with new scents; cheap beer, cigarettes, and gunpowder. Derek sighed, wishing he could remind Stiles of his age. The boy was 20, still not legal drinking age... But Derek knew that was his now was time to face the music. He jumped down.

Derek knew the gun would come first. The shot ripped into his stomach. He should scream, howl, call the pack... Instead his eyes flashed blue and watched his attacked approach. He couldn't help his smile when the voice he missed so much spoke.

"Jesus! Derek Hale you were always such a stalky bastard. You coulda given me an effing heart attack! GOD!" See Danny...same old Stiles. "Good thing I shoot first, big bad." Well...almost.

Black blood was coughed onto the street, the pounding rain washed it away from him toward the shoes of Stiles and his gun.

"Where's your little pack, Derek? Where are they hiding this time? You know I'll find you right? I know your moves and your tricks and you're so effing predicable now that I know what you are. Mad dogs and scared pups. You can't even avoid a wolfs-bane bullet. Pathetic."

"Stiles." Derek said the name in the breath his mate kicked from his lungs. More blood washed toward the young hunter as if an offering.

"Don't you dare say that name!" Stiles shrieked, his boot coming again into the bullet wound. "That was the last thing he said! You don't deserve to use that word you bastard son of an actual bitch!"

Derek arched off the ground, the pain searing through his being as his fangs and teeth elongated. He blinked the pale blue eyes open, seeking out anything in Stiles that would hear his words.

"I'm so sorry. I never meant to."

"Shut up! No! You don't get that. Not now. I want to watch you die without you getting to be effing redeemed. You don't get that! Not after what you did. You get to die painfully as I watch. Just like they did." Tears fell down the young hunter's face.

Derek nodded, his eyes never closing so he could at least see his mate's face before the end. Is this what Stiles' father saw? Tears slipping down onto pink lips as Stiles watched. Stiles had mountain ash in his hand back then. He was laying down a spell, to trap the new alpha pack. It trapped them too well.

"You said you cleared the room Derek. You said no one was in there!" The pain from Stiles' boot felt like justice. "Scott and my dad were in there and I trapped a pack of mad alphas with them! And you. You were no where! Protecting your fucking pack. Protecting everyone but the people I loved. How many times did I save you? How many Derek?"

"Three." Derek gasped through the pain.

Stiles laughed, shaking his head. "You forgot one. I guess you don't remember. Right before we went to fight them, we went to fight the alpha pack, you said it. Remember. Tell me what you said."

"I'll die if I can't touch you, my mate." Stiles turned his head away from Derek's words.

"Yeah. Like it was out of a fucking Stephanie Meyer's book. The confession of love, right before a life threatening battle. And I believed you. I laid with you the day before you killed Scott and my dad. Fool I am right? Foolish little human running with wolves."

"I'm sorry. I thought they were out." Derek managed, knowing he didn't have long.

"Kill me mate. Balance it." Derek's chin rose, his throat exposed.

Stiles raised his gun, aiming it at Derek's neck. He crouched until the muzzle of the gun was pressed into his skin.

"This is what happens when you love a human you stupid little dog. You should have known that by now. Your family dead. My family dead. And I swear to you I will track down all of your pack with the Argents. Allison and I have spent many nights in eachother's arms planning how to avenge those we love. Good bye, Derek."

Derek's cell phone shattered the boy before him. The grey rays of morning through the broken slats of the Hale house ground Derek. Sweating, he jumped up, the ghosts of the dream scattering. He opened his phone, the voice washing over him.

"Derek! You're awake good! I've been up all night about our alpha problem and I think I have the solution. It's all about mountain ash. You have to come now!"

"Stiles?" Derek's chest filled, the man was fine. His mate was happy and researching and still apart of his life. He was still safe. The need to tell Stiles his emotions pushed forward, a cloying desperation halting his words. the dream's message echoed in his mind. Death is what happens when he loves a human.

"Of course Stiles. Who else does your work on a week night?"

They couldn't afford Derek's selfishness. Instead of confess he simply grunted and headed to Stiles' house to plan their attack. To keep Stiles and his family safe. They would always be more important than Derek's emotions.

"I'm coming."

He closed his eyes, sucking down a curse. No last touch, no confessions. Just keeping his mate safe. It was better this way. Derek could just be sour wolf and Stiles would just be the human who ran with wolves.


End file.
